Today, as my fellow Americans celebrate our most American qualities, consumerism and competitive bargain shopping, I choose to celebrate not buying anything. I do this in an effort to illustrate that there exists is a higher moral standard. We can do and be better than material possessions and conspicuous consumption. I gladly step forward as the standard bearer for this cause as I am full of moral superiority, and also, I am cheap, and quite often I am broke.
Being broke and pious makes me an expert on poor purchasing decisions. For example I once bought an ’84 Jeep Cherokee. Don’t ever buy an ’84 Jeep Cherokee no matter how shiny its rims as it will only break your heart and leave you stranded in a snowy canyon miles away from civilization. Do not under any circumstances purchase a second hand generic laptop because it comes with a pirated copy of Photoshop pre-installed. The seller will appear quite trustworthy but you should resist.
With my expertise clearly illustrated, let me now give some advice as to what you, both the general and specific you, should buy.
Good shoes. How and where and which ones is up to you, but you should do it. Then, when they one day get holes in their soles, you don’t throw them away, you go visit the most poorly named shoe repair shop in California.
I did not expect to find a cobbler, or any person who cares about and practices a craft, in a strip mall. But here he is. This man took my Allen Edmonds shoes, told me exactly how old they were and how much I paid for them, then evangelized on the subject of buying quality footwear. He said a bunch of stuff I think I have heard, and ignored, Tinseth telling me for years. Tinseth would like this guy. Really, anyone would like this guy as he is very likable and knows what he is doing.
Mostly Tinseth would like him because as he was ringing me up the cobbler said, “these are good shoes…” He then looked down at my feet and finished, “but those are horrible.”
Brohammas 