When my first child was old enough to understand words and look at pictures, I began showing her images of Hawaii and calling them Disneyland. I did this in hopes that when her peers and surrounding adults would inevitably begin celebrating and pushing this fabled “land”, she would be under the impression they loved Honolulu and that she would imagine herself there… not Anaheim.
Because I would rather spend all of my money taking my child to the North Shore than some manufactured place with people dressed up as cartoon characters. I figure both places are about as equally expensive (truth), so I might as well trick my children into making me happy.
As with most preconceived notions of parenting, my plan failed.
Upon realizing that in large part due to current proximity, my children and spouse would full-on demand a Disneyland visit, I full-on planned to send them along without me. Yes I love my family and truly enjoy watching them be happy, but I am not sure my being there to see it is worth $200.
Do you know how much prosciutto I can buy for $200?
I understand that the things I have typed so far, already qualify me for some sort of firing squad. I do not intend to be sacrilegious, seditious, or even traitorous, I just don’t want to spend $800 for my family to see someone dressed up as Snow White.
Everyone tells me it isn’t just that. But it is in fact also that.
Let me attempt to be objective about this. I will admit that:
The production value of everything they do is far above and beyond whatever “par” is.
The rides, especially roller coasters, are fun.
There is at any given time and in any given place, something to do or see.
The crowd management systems and procedures are surprisingly effective, and do in fact minimize the horrors of waiting forever behind hordes of everyone to do something fun for a brief moment.
The food while not being cheap, is not bad.
My wife and children loved the place almost more than they love me. They might strike the word almost. I added it to make myself feel better.
So, having admitted all of that let me list what Disney is not:
Near the beach.
An actual kingdom.
As good as Six Flags.