They Didn’t Learn it at Home: they learned it everywhere

I have recently seen a spattering of high school and college kids getting caught on cameras saying and doing racist stuff. The public reaction is most often shock and horror, which is appropriate, and then there is this accusation that this is surely an indicator of nefariousness among the adults who raised these kids. I hear “They must be learning that stuff at home”.1_multipart_xF8FF_5_chimney rock 007

Maybe not.

When it comes to ignoring, dismissing, or disparaging the experiences or ideas of black people in America, that message is taught in the air. No one needs to be at the chalk board. Just like a child learning to walk, if left alone, they will figure it out.

The truth is that very intentional steps need to be taken in the home for a child to NOT learn the messages of assumed black inferiority, or more to the point, the inherent message of white superiority.

The idea that white is the default setting of all things America, be it citizenship, relatability, models of behavior, or representatives of corporate or skilled positions is built into how we go about our daily lives. Yes there may be, and increasingly are, representations of “diversity” throughout our environment, but they are very much just that- diversity. They aren’t the norm or the default but rather representations of the deviance from that norm. There is whiteness and then there is all that other stuff we like to sprinkle into the white pool and we call it diversity. Many of us may love diversity, but really we see it as extra. When all things are left to themselves, they float and rest in whiteness. So much so that it needn’t be named or acknowledged.IMG_6422

Because of this anything outside of white is a thing and people react to “things” in all sorts of ways. Some of us don’t really think we have “things”, as in cross-fit is my “thing” or saving the whales is my “thing”, and those of us who think we don’t have one tend to dismiss the “things” of others. I may think extreme attention to physical fitness is a distraction from things that matter, like literature, and if I am that sort of person, I might even tell jokes about cross-fit (the other day I tried to kill a roach by spraying it with Axe body spray, now the roach is named Blake and it won’t shut up about cross-fit). That would be a bias and we all have them, and we should keep them in check. Keeping our bias in check is not being overly sensitive, it is being appropriately sensitive.front gate arch

When it comes to race, this default setting of white in America means that anyone or any time blackness, or race at all, is brought up, it immediately registers as a “thing” and we tend to react accordingly. Some are into it, some dismiss it, but is not the norm. Those that mock things they aren’t into generally, will likely mock those who complain about the killing of unarmed black people because race politics aren’t their “thing”. Those who generally ignore things that don’t interest them, will likely just ignore those who claim gerrymandering intentionally suppresses the black vote, because making politics a race issue isn’t their “thing”. And then there are those who, like puppies, get excited about every”thing” and jump out to join a march or rally or just a conversation about whether or not the Oscars have been whitewashed with the same uninformed fascination I might give to excavating shipwrecks along the Outer Banks. That isn’t really my thing but it sounds cool.

Realizing this will help us understand why kids do stupid things regarding race. Understanding this is the first step in changing. And we do in fact need to change. Because America does not need to be white. America has never been a geography or system where only white people live and work. Those who aren’t white deserve full recognition and that recognition should go so far that it is assumed and need not be called out- but we are a long way away from that.

That is the goal and we cannot get there by skipping the in-between parts. That would be like running the first and last mile of a marathon but not all those pesky miles in between. Though I would argue that this is what American has historically done. Every time we start running the marathon of race (see what I did there?) we get a little bit tired and skip all the way to the finish line and just ignore race as if it is suddenly irrelevant. And when we do this without truly changing the default setting of whiteness, what we really do when we ignore “race” is ignore the people and ideas and issues that aren’t white. When we ignore race, deny its relevance, or simply do nothing, we let the environmental default do the teaching for us. We are left to the messages sent by television, peers, music, peers, schools, churches, or even just soccer teams.

And when the default is whiteness, and the default goes unchallenged and unchanged, that is what racism is.

So we have to fight that. We begin by teaching that all people have value and none of that value is based on pigmentation. That is mile 1 of 24. Mile 2, and I think most, but definitely not enough of us have been at least this far, is that skin color, that thing we call race, isn’t really a biological thing. Skin does not make anyone fast or slow, smart or dumb, lascivious or prude. Melanin, hair texture, face structure, none of those things are related. Got it. But then comes miles 3 through 23. I think mile 3 is listening to black people. I don’t mean watching black people in order to be entertained, because America has always done that, but I mean when black people, or really all non-white people but I think we have plenty to chew on if we actually invested any real time and effort listening to African-Americans or Native-Americans. Listening not talking. Again, and I really do need to repeat this, because listening to is not the same as listening about. Plenty of messages out there are about black people, I am saying the work of mile 3 is listening directly. Then next maybe asking- but not sharing. You see most of us, because it is such a human thing, after asking one little bit and hearing a little about someone else, we then share a boat load about ourselves. I know I’m a criminal offender in this regard. But white people shouldn’t do that here. We have more than 300 years of sharing all and everything about white America, we can afford to shut up for a little bit.

There is a lot more to do after that but we have never gotten even this far. There is still plenty of asking, and voting, and investing, and teaching, and repairing, and then probably more investing, before we get to mile 24 and we can start “ignoring”. I’m not sure how long that will take but I do know that marathons aren’t run naturally. What I mean is no one just sat there and waited their time and found themselves having completed a marathon. They had to train and run. We will never get to race not mattering in America by just waiting for it to happen. We cannot just wait for all the older runners to age and pass away. All this does is clear the course but it doesn’t run anywhere. And we all get fat waiting.

If America is a set of ideals, and laws, bound by a physical geography, there need not be any real place for skin color in that definition. If we stick with what America is or should be striving to be, or claiming to be, it also need not be defined by a language. Or a religion. Because the ideals of liberty and justice open to all, should in fact mean all Americans. But historically it has meant white Americans. Meant it so much that we at some point just stopped saying it out loud. But we never changed the default

So when high school kids get caught on video making light of lynching or saying racist things, we shouldn’t act so surprised. We shouldn’t assume that something extra nefarious is going on in that home. It could just as easily be that nothing about race is going on in that home. And that is exactly what doing nothing will get us.

6 thoughts on “They Didn’t Learn it at Home: they learned it everywhere

  1. I’d like to have a conversation about your pov and, as a starting point, pull a quote” “The truth is that very intentional steps need to be taken in the home for a child to NOT learn the messages of assumed black inferiority, or more to the point, the inherent message of white superiority.” If, after reading my reply, you feel I’m taking your quote out of context, please call me on it.
    The Merriam-Webster definition of superiority is the quality or state of being larger, stronger, etc., than others. Let me focus more on the ‘etc.’ than the physical part of the definition. I think that the inherent message of white superiority has roots in reality.
    What do our white children hear and see that is widely accepted? For one, with regards to education (vis-a-vis SAT scores by race) whites are superior to blacks and Asians are superior to both races. ( Closely related is the statistically significant difference in IQ, where again whites are ahead of blacks and Asians ahead of both. (
    Secondly, how we view blacks’ living conditions. In Philly, predominantly white neighborhoods such as Queen Village, Rittenhouse Square, Manayunk, Chestnut Hill/Mount Airy are in much better repair and presentation than predominantly black neighborhoods. I’m not comparing size and cost of homes; only appearance and upkeep (e.g. weeds, peeling paint, junk on the front porch).
    I could add other categories as well, but I think this makes the point that white superiority is not a myth. But that’s not the important point. What is required by all whites parents is to teach their children that even though they may see and hear things that give them a feeling of superiority to blacks, they have to understand that is not any more important than blacks being better than whites at sports. The most important lesson to be taught is that they are to love, support and respect blacks the same as whites. Everything else is irrelevant. To not acknowledge the reality that in certain areas one race is superior to another may be politically correct, but our children will know what’s what no matter how much we teach them otherwise. When they understand what is important and embrace that fact we’ll have taken a step in right direction to ending thoughts of white superiority.

    1. There are a couple of things in your comment that I would be careful of, and that speak somewhat to my point. For instance, IQ tests are not biological. Skin color has nothing to do with intellect and while there may be some relevance in who scores what on those tests and why, kids need to solidly know it isn’t biology. I would also push back at the entire idea that black people are better at sports. Considering the number of sports out there and the amount of people who do or do not play, that’s a fallacy- and our kids need to know that. Then when we get into money, and cleanliness of neighborhoods, to relate that to race would need to be a part of a much bigger conversation, but the idea that one group is indeed superior… is a problem. Because skin does not gift anyone anything on its own (aside from UV protection) so any variance among groups of people along color lines is caused by something social- and we white people need to fully understand that white people very intentionally created the social structure in America to give advantages and protections to white people. And while a lot of work has gone into removing the laws and policy that did this overtly, there are still plenty of social norms that reinforce this idea. So really we need to make sure to teach kids, especially white kids, that they are absolutely NOT superior- and in my experience most kids don’t think they are- they think they are normal… and that non- white people are something different than normal.
      Which is a problem.

      1. So to infer that white kids think they are superior, because in so many ways they are, is something we have to continually fight, or teach, against.
        Because having more money than someone else does not make you superior.

      2. As the data shows, Asians score higher on both IQ tests the SAT. Knowing their superior in that realm doesn’t bother me and I imagine it doesn’t bother you either. Same for whites and blacks.

        That said, it’s unreasonable to think that kids and even many adults base their prejudices on scientific data. Rather, I think they base it on a number of factors including their own observations. Remember the study where black and white children were each given a black doll and a white doll and asked questions such as “which one is prettier”, etc? They found that both races chose the white doll over the black doll. Ironically, white superiority is held not just by white children alone, but by black children as well. And so I reiterate my call for teaching love, respect, support and understanding to all children including blacks regardless of test scores, income or race. On a personal note, I would often turn off listening to what some black people would say because they didn’t use proper English. Then I decided to start listening as if they were speaking “white”. It was amazing how my perception of their intellect changed. Perception is reality. Let’s teach children that when they change their perceptions by looking into a person’s heart rather than their head or skin color, they will see someone who’s not so different from them.

  2. In order to view your own group as better than another, you have to ignore all the problems in your own group- which is something we white people do all the time. For instance Port Richmond and Fishtown are very much white, and very much a mess. The majority of people on welfare are white, and most all white victims of crime have been victimized by another white person, but all of those things are easy to ignore because we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. It takes intentional effort and teaching to get past that.

  3. Dude, I just stopped caring a long time ago.
    I do pretty well socially in most situations so even if someone imagines themself as being better than myself predicated on race alone I just find it amusing and sometimes interesting.

    But I do suffer from the same problem as Mr Storm when it comes to listening to people.
    Ebonics, a Southern drawl, a Jersey accent, or any other non-media accent takes extra effort for me to hear.

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